Are Siblings Always Close?

My brother and I are separated by only one year. Growing up, each one of us had our own set of friends but we also got along decently enough with each other. As we got into our late teens, we became close and spent more time together. At one point, we were good friends as much as we were siblings.

Fast forward to today, and in the last year, I’ve talked to him about six times over the phone. We have met exactly four times for special occasions such as birthdays or family get-togethers. I don’t really have much of an idea what’s going on in his life and I’m sure he’d say the same about me. We’ve both moved on in our lives and if we weren’t related by blood, we’d probably never talk at all. There was no big showdown or estrangement. We have simply drifted apart to a point where the only thing we have in common is our surname and a love for dogs.

When we look at sibling relationships, we see a lot of people who are close to their siblings or have a good relationship with them. I, personally, have seen cousins who are very close to their brothers and/or sisters. Recently, however, more and more situations are coming to light in which siblings aren’t close at all and the only reason they even stay in touch is because of parents or other family members urging them to.

At team ShoutLo we decided to look into why siblings grow apart and stay that way.

Age

One of the reasons can be the age difference. If you are 22 and you have a sibling who is 17, chances are that you aren’t going to have much in common with them. Your friends will be very different from theirs; your priorities at that point in life will be poles apart; even your interests may be at the opposite ends of the spectrum. There just isn’t much that brings you together. This isn’t to say that things will always be this way. Perhaps, as you grow older you’ll find that your interests and priorities converge and you’ll become closer. Then again, perhaps not.

Gender

Another factor can be gender. While girls and boys may be equal, they aren’t the same. This doesn’t mean that siblings belonging to the same gender are always close. All this means is that gender could be another factor that increases the distance between brothers and sisters. Guys have different experiences, priorities, and interests from what girls do. While many siblings have learnt to overlook the differences or even bond over them, there are those who simply drift apart.

Having Little in Common

This might be one of the main reasons that siblings drift away from each other, especially as they grow older. As brothers and/or sisters grow older, they go in for different jobs and maybe different lifestyles. They have different friends and like to do different things. One of the siblings may have started a family, while the other may still be single. They may not share the same political perspective (especially in these politically divisive times) or even the same values and beliefs. There is very little they have to talk about and what there is might be very contentious. All in all, it just seems more sensible to not try to force a bond where there is none.

Grudges

This may sound silly, but there are plenty of sibling relationships that have foundered upon the rocks of childhood grudges. After all, our childhood perceptions do shape who we are as adults to at least some extent, especially when it comes to our perceptions of our interactions with our families. I will be the first to admit that as a child I resented my brother for a long time because I believed that he was my mother’s favourite. I’m also willing to admit that this might be one of the reasons I started withdrawing from our relationship.

The fact is that while siblings may not always be close, there is a shared sense of family and the past. My brother and I are the only people who know what it was like to grow up in our house. We share experiences that no one else can fathom because, well, they weren’t there and they weren’t part of it. Siblings do know things to do with each other that no one else can fathom and that is a bond that doesn’t break. Beyond that one cannot really force relationships into a desired mould.

Are you close to your sibling/s? Why or why not? Tell us your experiences in the comments below.