Why Do Parents Wage War on Love Marriages

I recently met a young couple at a party at a friend’s place. When the conversation in our group veered around to how various people had met their significant others, this couple revealed that theirs was a love marriage. Moreover, they had eloped and gotten married because both sets of parents had objected vehemently to the union. The reason? The girl was a Christian and the boy was a Hindu.

This got me thinking. We live in the 21st century and a lot of beliefs and perspectives about how we relate to the world around us have changed. However, some things have not changed at all. Indian parents still exert a huge amount of influence over their children’s lives. Even today, many parents believe that it is not just their duty but their right to determine the direction of their child’s life. Everything, from what profession the child chooses to go into to who his or her life partner will be, is determined by parents.

This is the way things have been for centuries if not millennia. However, with globalization and the internet, new ways of thinking have emerged and younger people want more choices in how their lives proceed. This attitude creates inevitable clashes between the two generations.

At ShoutLo, we thought we would delve into why parents refuse to change with the times and are so vehemently opposed to their offspring choosing their own life partners.

Social Pressure

What society thinks governs everything we say or do. Parents are perhaps more susceptible to this phenomenon. They worry about being ostracized by society if they don’t play by its rules. Society divides itself up using various parameters such as region, language religion, caste, money, and so on. Breaching these barriers results in so-called loss of honor. Under such circumstances, parents are willing to go to a lot of extremes to ensure that they can save face and not tarnish their reputation.

Control

Indian parents are used to controlling or, at least, having some say in their children’s lives. There is an attitude amongst them that their children aren’t very capable of looking after themselves. They are also afraid that their children will make the wrong choices in life. So used to taking control are they that when their children decide who they want their life partner to be, parents aren’t ready to give up that control.

Conservative Views Regarding Love and Sex

Sex is a term that is completely taboo in our country. There is no way that this is even discussed with parents. Unfortunately, parents also see the love in the same light. Right up to the last few generations, the accepted belief was that love wasn’t necessary for marriage. If anything, it would grow afterward. However, children today are not willing to take the risk. They want love before they even consider marriage. This also leads to fears among parents that their children are indulging in pre-marital sex. The parents oppose love before marriage almost as a deterrent to sex before marriage.

Practicality

The fact is that parents, being older, generally have more experience of relationships and people. Younger people are idealists and tend to believe that love conquers all. Parents can be more realistic and realize that love won’t pay the bills and won’t necessarily be enough when the going gets tough. If parents foresee such a mismatch, they naturally oppose the relationship stronger.

With changing times come changing dynamics between generations. What was accepted as gospel once upon a time is now considered old-fashioned and restrictive. When it comes to choosing a life partner, the younger generation is becoming more vocal about wanting to decide who they spend their life with rather than let their parents make the decision. At the same time, parents want to continue to exercise the same control over their children’s lives that they always have. Under such circumstances, it is only natural that the two generations wage war over the notion of love marriage.

Why do you think parents tend to oppose love marriages? Are their points that we haven’t considered? Do let us know in the comments section.